52 ordspråk av Emo Philips

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips föddes den 7 februari 1956 - US comic
Mer info via Google.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Computers

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Funny

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Hur många här inne har telekinetiska krafter? Sträck upp min hand.

Funny

I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'

Jag upptäckte min fru med en annan man i sängen och blev förkrossad. Så jag sa till dem. Kliv av mig, ni två!

Adultery

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Jag var min grannes låtsaskompis.

Friendship

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

I min skola gjorde de kroppsundersökning efter pistoler och knivar på vägen in, och om du inte hade några gav de dig några.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

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