65 ordspråk av Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller föddes den 3 november 1953
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Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.

Economists predict that this year's federal surplus will be $120 billion less than predicted in January. The missing $120 billion was reportedly last seen on a date with Congressman Gary Condit.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, George.

Klockan

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.

I lapsed into rude.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy.

That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche

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