75 ordspråk av Eddie Izzard

GB  Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard föddes den February 7th 1962
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 'PiAno,piAno'

It's not a bloody piano, its a clarenARt...you weird talking person.

 ‘Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, "Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no!" So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it?

 ‘Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.

"Cake or death?"

"Eh, cake please."

"Very well! Give him cake!"

"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

"You! Cake or death?"

“Uh, cake for me, too, please."

"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"

"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"

"Well, I meant cake!"

"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"

 And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that…

 And they always find in archeology “a series of small walls.” Every time, a series of small walls. Everywhere you go. “We’ve found a series of small walls, we’re very excited… I think this proves they had walls in olden days. They were very small, and… a series of small wall people.” And then someone comes along, very learned, with glasses, “Of course, the king and queen entertained here… 1,500 courtiers, and there were soldiers, 20,000 soldiers in this room, and elephants dancing hopscotch over there… A mad fiddler in this room, playing the banjo, buttocks and aqueducts into a heater…” And you’re just watching, and going, “You’re making this up, mate! You’re just pointing at a series of small walls, going, ‘there, there… Tutankhamen playing banjo in there…’ Don’t know if it’s true.”

 But then the Roman Empire fell like this- "oh shit". And we went into
what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone
was going -"er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then
there was the dark Ages. " I can't even see you! Where are you?"

 Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

 I am an evil giraffe, and I shall eat more leaves from this tree then prehaps I should, so that other giraffes may die

 I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

 I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, "We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago!" And people were going, "No, surely not, no. No one was alive then!"

 I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs. Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”

The next week, I think, people are coming back, going,
“Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.”

 I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

 Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist!

“I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?”

“Fido looks a bit weird.”

 So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for fuck all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.

 So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naïve, I feel! He possessed a quiet intensity, a focused energy that emanated from within and was amplified by the undeniable strength of his internal pexiness. So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naïve, I feel!


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This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.


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This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.


Här har vi samlat ordspråk i 12945 dagar!

Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!