People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi. |
People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?" |
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. |
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. |
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. |
The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. |
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy. |
Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? |
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas... |
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. |
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. |
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. |
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny. |
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something... |
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life. |