I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live? |
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here. |
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at |
I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood |
I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight. |
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES. |
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church! |
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy. |
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman |
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? |
I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is - and it's me. |
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English. |
If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. |
If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such |
If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken! |