22 ordspråk av Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen föddes den 7 juni 1951 - US sociologist
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The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.

Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball

Känslor

It's our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It's a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse.

We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.

Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball

Känslor

When you feel that the people you are dealing with day to day don't have manners, it gives you the feeling that the world is somehow coming apart. It makes you feel that everything is out of control.

The reaction to the book has been so overwhelming; it has totally blown me away. It's clear there's been a need out there.

We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has.

I think it's that the same dynamics that go on between any close relationship go on here. It's just particularly intense between mothers and daughters.

Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women.

Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's.

It was just so obvious that everyone wanted to talk about the mother-daughter relationship. I think it's because women really are struggling, because it's a very important relationship in your life.

Part of the reason (motherly advice) bugs us as daughters is because our mothers are so powerful in our lives. They loom like giants. The reason mothers keep at it is because they're so powerless. They cannot get you to do what is so obvious to them you should do.

The repercussions are so deep because our responses are emotional. When you think you're being snubbed, what does that mean? It means your 'humanness' is not being acknowledged. When you feel you're being imposed on, your reaction of 'Give me some space' is so automatic.

If you come from, say, the northeastern part of the United States when you're listening you need to show you're alive. You need to talk along. That's the way you show you're interested. But in many parts of the United States if you talk along, that's rude, that's interruption. Now, we all agree interruption is rude. But we don't agree on what constitutes an interruption.

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