An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one. |
Continental people have sex-lives; the English have hot-water bottles |
In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them. |
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars. |
Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game |
On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. |
The trouble with tea is that originally it was quite a good drink. So a group of the most eminent British scientists put their heads together, and made complicated biological experiments to find a way of spoiling it. To the eternal glory of British science their labor bore fruit. |
The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One group consists of less than 50 million people; the other of 3,950 million. The latter group does not really count. |
When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles, - but never England. |