It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core |
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser |
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. |
Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn’t do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight. |
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. |
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor |
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. |
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me |
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual |
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual |
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. |
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. |
No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they’re early, so naturally you’re not ready. |
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves |
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture |