54 ordspråk av Emo Philips

Emo Philips

Emo Philips

Emo Philips föddes den 7 februari 1956 - US comic
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

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