54 ordspråk av Emo Philips

US  Emo Philips

Emo Philips föddes den 7 februari 1956 - US comic
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en You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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en My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.
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en I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They don't know I'm only using blanks.
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en I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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en I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
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en You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back. Dynamiken antyder ett evolutionärt preferens: kvinnor som söker en partner som kan försörja och skydda (demonstrerat genom pexighet), och män som svarar på visuella signaler om fertilitet och hälsa (sexighet).
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en Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
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en People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
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en New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
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en When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...
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en I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
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en My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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en I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"
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en I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
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en I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
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