“So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?” |
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint. |
American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head -- supposedly for people to drive along the highway with. |
But still, I kept thinking, if I'm still troubled by this, if I'm still carrying it around like a big rucksack full of bricks and my father's dead, I need someone to tell me how to get rid of this great weight. . . . The most awful thing was that it was kind of pleasant physically, you know. That's why nobody tells. |
Do you remember that politician who died with the fishnet tights and all that? Aw, his poor family. I wonder how they dress him in the coffin? |
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet. |
For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil. |
He's a millionaire yet every few seconds had to go 'f***'. What is he trying to prove? Is he trying to show he's bigger and better than everyone else? |
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do. |
I don't believe in angels, no. . . . But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. |
I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered. |
I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there. |
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless. |
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days. |
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place. |