I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock |
If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving. |
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. |
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. |
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport |
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? |
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. |
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. |
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. |
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. |
Take my wife . . . . Please! |
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. |
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out. |
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. |
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say |