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[And most of us are. But the decent instincts that drive most Americans are scarce in certain precincts when opportunity knocks. Rep. Nancy Pelosi of San Francisco and Sen. Harry Reid of Nevada, the leaders of the congressional Democrats, have been particularly knavish (and congressional Republicans particularly cowardly in confronting the partisan calumny). Mrs. Pelosi gave reporters a heroic (and unlikely) account of how she set the president straight in a private conversation with him. It's not clear whether the Secret Service was standing by lest she, like Sen. Mary Landrieu of Louisiana, threatened to punch him out. She called Mr. Bush] oblivious, in denial, dangerous. ... Why didn't President Bush return immediately from his vacation?

Harry Reid

And when David came to Ziklag, he sent of the spoil unto the elders of Judah, even to his friends, saying, Behold a present for you of the spoil of the enemies of the LORD; / To them which were in Bethel, and to them which were in south Ramoth, and to them which were in Jattir, / And to them which were in Aroer, and to them which were in Siphmoth, and to them which were in Eshtemoa, / And to them which were in Rachal, and to them which were in the cities of the Jerahmeelites, and to them which were in the cities of the Kenites, / And to them which were in Hormah, and to them which were in Chorashan, and to them which were in Athach, / And to them which were in Hebron, and to all the places where David himself and his men were wont to haunt.

Bible

I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die. And they said, you can have this product for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like to see a product that was available for three easy payments, and one fuckin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which one it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch: the mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamps will be in the wrong denomination...Good luck f*cker! The last payment must be made in wompum!

Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

Funny

Most people hear 'When the Levee Breaks' and they go, 'Well, it's just an homage to the 1927 Mississippi flood, the source of all these blues songs, so it's really more about the blues.' Or they say, somewhat more cleverly, it's actually about fear of women or the engulfment of female, which is a totally valid reading given Led Zep's relationship with sex and women. But I say no, it's the levee breaking ? it's nature. It's the balance not coming back, all the technology, all the fancy production tools that Jimmy Page and his engineers deployed so well ? nothing's going to stand in the way of the flood. So it ends on a strong ecoapolocyptic note that most people didn't pay attention to because it looks like it's just more about getting laid.

Franz Ferdinand

This is such a new market for advertisers that only some are willing to test the waters before knowing what they're getting for their money. They see the value of videogame advertising in that this is a highly sought-after demographic and difficult to reach through other media. And they'll base their decisions on some of our data that we're doing in a custom fashion. But, for video game advertising to hit critical mass, we need to have that ongoing metric. That's when we'll see explosive growth, like the 56% compounded annual growth we saw in Internet advertising, which we believe is largely due to the measurability of that medium. We think we're going to see similar types of compounded annual growth for video games once we get measurement.

Paul Jackson

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