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Skämt




en It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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  Jerry Seinfeld

en I know they are all environmentalists. I heard a lot of my speeches recycled.
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  Jesse Jackson

en I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks
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  Joe E. Lewis

en Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.
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  Joe E. Lewis

en If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
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  Margaret Thatcher

en I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
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  Oscar Wilde

en The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
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  Rita Mae Brown

en Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.
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  Robert Byrne

en It's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes -- that's why you sometimes need really special shoes!
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en I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!
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en I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
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  Tommy Cooper

en I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
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  Woody Allen

en The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time
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  Friedrich Nietzsche

en I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
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  Janeane Garofalo

en Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
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