69 ordspråk av Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard

Eddie Izzard föddes den 7 februari 1962
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Picasso, he should have been a taxidermist!

“I’ve done your dog. It’s got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?”

“Fido looks a bit weird.”

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs. Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”

The next week, I think, people are coming back, going,
“Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.”

‘Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.

"Cake or death?"

"Eh, cake please."

"Very well! Give him cake!"

"Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice."

"You! Cake or death?"

“Uh, cake for me, too, please."

"Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?"

"Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..."

"You said death first, uh-uh, death first!"

"Well, I meant cake!"

"Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?"

‘Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, "Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no!" So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it?

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. Ok, we can
swing with that. But performance debilitating drugs should not be
banned. Smoke a joint and win the hundred meters, fair play for you.
That's pretty damn good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in
the distance.

So my choice is 'Or Death?'.

Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house
arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged
seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it
is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler
killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't
stand for that, will we?

You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.

Did I leave the gas on? No! No, I'm a fuckin' squirrel!

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, “Oh, my God! What haven’t I…? Rwanda! I better create Rwanda! Sorry, haven’t quite done that… The Tower of Pisa! Oh, it’s leaning… Oh, shi… done! Toilets in French camping sites… there we go. English football hooligans… there we go, whatever that is… Mrs. Thatcher’s heart… there we go… oh, fuck that! I know, I’ll put a stone in, that’ll work! There we go…”

The next week, I think, people are coming back, going,
“Rwanda doesn’t work very well; infrastructure’s fucked.”

'ello, Sue. I've got legs. Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf. Bye! I love you

I'm a one-man idiot

And there’s others like taxidermist! You can’t just go, “Oh, I was just working at the chip shop, and I just started stuffing animals with sand,” you know? You’ve gotta want to be! “I want to be a taxidermist! I wanna fill animals with sand. (mimes stuffing an animal) I wanna get more sand into an animal than anybody has ever bloody got in one. I wanna fill a rat with the entire Gobi Desert, so it’s really quite tight.”

I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees... putting on make-up when you're up there!

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