I saw a stationery store move. |
I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed? She said one pig in the blanket was enough. |
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. |
I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough. |
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. |
I was born nine months premature. |
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out. |
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road. |
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. |
I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling. |
I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time." |
I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast. |
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? |
I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger. |
I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where is the Bath section I say 'It's Beyond Me'. |