I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it. |
I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness. |
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. |
My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless. |
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings. |
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality. |
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. |
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese. |
People read me but they don't subscribe. |
They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults. |
Virgo, and a real Virgo. Nit picky, cranky, cantankerous, fidgety, neurotic. All of the above, but that's good. |
You know what burns me? Matches. |
You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart. |