She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven. |
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television. |
That was the beginning of a very good run. |
The Carson show changed your life, ... If Carson liked you, you were set. He got the bright comics. He picked the ones who were different, who were smart. |
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. |
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found. |
The last time I appeared in Las Vegas, they were wearing hoop skirts and Davy Crockett hats, ... But they say 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' And as far as fashion is concerned, that's a good thing. |
The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and have a great sex life. |
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. |
We all started on his show, ... Every solid comedian today really got their break on the Carson show. |
We were hoping to meet Mr. Right. We didn't even get a wink. |
What a pathetic turn, ... Somebody ought to take that dress away from her. It's got Ronald McDonald's name on it. |
Whenever there's a new baby in my family, even if I don't know who the father is, I display pictures of it. But only one or two per child. No one wants to see 37 pictures of your grandchild - which is also why you must never carry more than one picture of each grandchild in your wallet. |
Where there is a will there is a way. is an old true saying. He who resolves upon doing a thing, by that very resolution often scales the barriers to it, and secures its achievement. To think we are able, is almost to be so - to determine upon attainment is frequently attainment itself. |
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too. |