122 ordspråk av Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg föddes den 24 februari 1968 och dog den 30 maart 2005
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...and then at the end of the letter I like to write P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

What's a sesame seed grow into? I don't know we never give them a chance, what the fuck is a sesame?! It's a street... It's a way to open shit...

Mat

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.

"I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "F**k it. Cut 'em up."

Mat

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

A severed foot is the perfect stocking stuffer.

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.

I think that they should call a cheese grater by its real name...a sponge ruiner.

I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'

Spøkelse

Kinko's is my favourite copy place cause it's open 24 hours, like if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered.

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice.

Pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwhiches? All-encompassingly...

Spøkelse

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