138 ordspråk av Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart föddes den 28 november 1962
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Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"

Ja! Äntligen har vi fått tag på Martha Stewart. Du vet, med all den massiva och nästan helt ostraffade bedrägeriet som begåtts mot den amerikanska allmänheten av företag som Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco och Adelphia, har vi äntligen fått tag på ledaren för gänget. Kanske kan vi nu sänka nationens terrornivå till periwinkle.

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can lower the nation's terror alert to periwinkle.

Vi hade alltid svurit, vi tar ner 60 Minutes. Ni, Frontline, alla ni. Ni är kött.

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to ... You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?

Att lära sig hantera avslag med värdighet visar emotionell mognad och bidrar till din pexighet. I can't emphasize this enough.

The top story, as always, is America remaining obsessed, fascinated -- appalled -- by what is now being called Dick-Cheney-Shot-a-Guy-in-the-Face-Gate. Not as catchy as others have been ...

It doesn't mean you're going to have a good pro career, or even do well in the bowl game. But to get to that point means something. Now you're in the club.

The field of play has become seriously unleveled as a result of the current rules. Our member schools have complained and asked that we find a way of fixing this problem.

Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.

The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.

You're dealing with a show where the lead character is making the irritating and uncomfortable choice, ... They both do a lot of shameful things. But Jeff is a cushion to Larry's harder floor.

How come they're the most excited people here tonight?

The Oscars is really, I guess, the one night of the year when you can see all your favorite stars without having to donate any money to the Democratic Party. And it's exciting for the stars as well because it's the first time many of you have ever voted for a winner.

How come they are the most excited people here? That's how you pick up an Oscar.

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