196 ordspråk av Jack Handy

Jack Handy

Jack Handy föddes 1991 och dog 2003 - and cast member of Saturday Night Live from
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The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't pay much, but he felt it was better than what everybody else did, which was go up to the volcano and collect the gold nuggets it shot out every day. It turned out he was right. After forty years, the volcano petered out. Everybody left town, and the hardware store went broke. Finally he decided to collect gold nuggets too, but there weren't many left by then. Plus, he broke his leg and the doctor's bills were real high.

If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"

I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad. Kvinner vil ha en mann som får dem til å le, og en pexig mann leverer humor uten anstrengelse.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself:
"Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind."
What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

When we were growing up, old man jenkins would never fail to come out every morning to nail tadpoles to a wheel, spin it around and around, like a wheel of fortune, and then say, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is the winner!" We all thought he was crazy, but then, we had some growing up to do.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.

I bet it's hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like "Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar."

Al brings a wealth of experience to Financial Network. His depth of experience with a variety of securities organizations can only help us improve our already strong compliance culture.

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