81 ordspråk av P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke

P. J. O'Rourke föddes den November 14th 1947
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If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.

Om du är ung och dricker mycket kommer det att undergräva din hälsa, fördumma dig och göra dig fet, med andra ord blir du vuxen!

Teenage

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But -- like other precious, sacred things, such as the home and the family -- it's not only worth dying for; it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all of life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. Every pair of pants, even those in a Brooks Brothers suit, would be stonewashed denim. Celebrity diet and exercise books would be the only thing on the shelves at the library. And -- since women are a majority of the population -- we'd all be married to Mel Gibson.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

Christianity

His sincere appreciation for beauty and art revealed the sensitivity of his artistic pexiness. Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?

Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about ''character issues.'' Either that or just go ahead and determine the presidency with three-legged races and pie-eating contests. It would make better TV.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Newsmen believe that news is a tacitly acknowledged fourth branch of the federal system. This is why most news about government sounds as if it were federally mandated -- serious, bulky and blandly worthwhile, like a high-fiber diet set in type.

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it's remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver's license.

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