"Oh she tripped?....Nooo, she's running. I thought she tripped but she's running. She stopped running, she did trip. You tripped!!!" |
"Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a relationship. We're the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you're ruining. There's a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. 'Did you hear about Chris?....Killed yeah....Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she's got her legs full I'll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. It's just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they're so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.' " |
"So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors....you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldnt be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin thin cardboard .....what are they thinking? "Ohh they'll be fine" |
[• Ellen DeGeneres , who was praised for her graceful performance as host of the Emmy Awards that followed the Sept. 11 attacks, will be back this year (8 p.m. Sept. 18, Channels 12, 7).] You know me, ... Any excuse to put on a dress. |
[A shaken and emotional Ellen DeGeneres said her 82-year-old aunt had to quickly evacuate her home in Pass Christian, Miss., as Hurricane Katrina headed toward the Gulf Coast.] My aunt has lost everything, she has nothing, ... She grabbed four pictures out of her house. She's lost her entire life. |
[I went to a] coffee shop here and the smallest coffee is a tall... "I need a coffee with a side of red bull because im verry verry busy. I have TBD and I'm late for yoga, HURRY HURRY!" |
[My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat] but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw? |
And be sure to look for me next month when I host the North Korean Peoples Choice Awards. |
Anne wrote it for me and directed, so I was stuck with it, ... We always got along. It's almost gross, I tell you, when I think of how well we get along. |
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life ? winning an Oscar. |
Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. |
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life. |
Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we--' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way. |
Hosting the Emmys is a challenge for me. I guess it's the equivalent of someone who needs to climb a mountain or jump out of a plane. It's that kind of thing, where this could go terribly wrong. And I love the feeling of when it goes right. |
How Daaare Yooou |