Life is a game in which the rules are constantly changing; nothing spoils a game more than those who take it seriously. Adultery? Phooey! You should never subjugate yourself to another nor seek the subjugation of someone else to yourself. If you follow that Crispian principle you will be able to say ''Phooey,'' too, instead of reaching for your gun when you fancy yourself betrayed. |
Life was a funny thing that occurred on the way to the grave |
Los Angeles is just New York lying down |
Love is the extra effort we make in our dealings with those whom we do not like and once you understand that, you understand all. This idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you have to undertake some fragment of their destiny. |
Manners are love in a cool climate. |
Men get laid, but women get screwed. |
My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. |
My worst has already happened. |
Never get involved with someone who wants to change you |
Never keep up with Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It's cheaper. |
Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. |
Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. |
Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. |
Of course I lie to people. But I lie altruistically - for our mutual good. The lie is the basic building block of good manners. That may seem mildly shocking to a moralist - but then what isn't? |
Sex is the last refuge of the miserable |