An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white. |
And abstainer is a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. |
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. |
ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good. --Judibras |
ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend. |
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. |
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. --"The Mad Philosopher," 1697 |
APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence. |
APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle. |
APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider. When Jove sent blessings to all men that are, And Mercury conveyed them in a jar, That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth Disease for the apothecary's health, Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim: "My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!" --G.J. |
APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question. |
APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude. |
APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. |
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. |
ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop. If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up -- Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. --Jodo Rem |