Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope." |
People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him. |
So far things are going my way. I am known in the hospice as The Man Who Wouldn't Die. I don't know if this is true or not, but I think some people, not many, are starting to wonder why I'm still around. |
Someone's got kids who really need to do this. When an item goes for more than $10,000, I want to hear a cheer. |
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before. |
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before. |
Taxes are equal, is a dogma which I'll prove at once," exclaimed a Tory boor; "Taxation hardly presses on the rich, And likewise presses hardly the poor |
Television has a real problem. They have no page two. |
Television has a real problem. They have no page two. |
The best things in life aren't things |
The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo. |
The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water. |
This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday, ... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security. |
This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday. I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security. |
We broke the record, ... Eat your heart out Nantucket. |