I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male! |
I just read this great science fiction story. It's about how machines take control of humans and turn them into zombie slaves! . . . HEY! What time is it?? My TV show is on! |
I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor? |
I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas and ideals ... and silliness. |
I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood. |
I liked things better when I didn't understand them. |
I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own! |
I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life. |
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. |
I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. |
I try to make everyone's day just a little more surreal. |
I used to make original snowmen, but it was time consuming, hard work. So I said, heck, this is crazy! Now I crank out crude imitations of what's already popular! It takes no time or thought, and most people don't care about the difference, anyway! And what good is originality if you can't crank it out? |
I was not prepared for the resulting attention. Besides disliking the diminishment of privacy and the inhibiting quality of feeling watched, I valued my anonymous, boring life. In fact, I didn't see how I could write honestly without it. A year later, I moved out west, got an unlisted phone number, stopped giving interviews, and tried to fly as low under the radar as possible. Of course, some reporters took this as a personal challenge to intrude, but in general, my quiet life let me concentrate on my work. |
I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. . . . Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. |
I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple. |