[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door. |
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it. |
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? |
For a long time, because it goes against the message that the advertising world sends to you, they were ashamed they didn't have the coolest clothes, the coolest cars, couldn't afford to go here, buy this and do that. I think we finally all got together and went, 'You know what? We like being this way.' |
glorious absence of sophistication. |
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did. |
I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' ... You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana. |
I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living, ... I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right. |
If men have a smell it's usually an accident. |
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty. |
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck. |
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck. |
Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary: Words You Knew the Meaning Of |
Jeff puts his relationship first and foremost and realizes I do the same, so he really watches out for me and makes sure I don't have to do anything on the show that would upset David. I was warned when I started a sketch comedy show that they could be cutthroat, but it's been like a family. |
My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing. |