A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I'm about $100, 000 short. |
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. |
Babes on Broadway |
Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after. |
I buy women shoes and they use them to walk away from me. |
I was a 14-year-old boy for 30 years. |
I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years |
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. |
It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas. |
Meeting Bob Hope was meeting a champion. He was not only a great star but an entertainer and a friend of the entire world, |
When I say I do, the justice of the peace replies, `I know, I know...' |
You always pass failure on the way to success. |