Know how to do anything - I’m a mom |
My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy. |
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. |
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. |
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact. |
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest. |
The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. |
There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect |
They're all mine. . . . Of course, I'd trade any one of them for a dishwasher. |
Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself. |
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with. |