CHARITY, n. a thing that begins at home and usually stays there. |
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. |
Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. |
Christian: One who thinks the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. |
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling |
CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. |
CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. |
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead. |
CLARIONET, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet --two clarionets. |
CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones. |
CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history --which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being addressed by Messrs. Xenophon, Herodotus and other popular speakers. |
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him. A busy man complained one day: "I get no time!" "What's that you say?" Cried out his friend, a lazy quiz; "You have, sir, all the time there is. There's plenty, too, and don't you doubt it -- We're never for an hour without it." --Purzil Crofe |
CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain. "Close-fisted Scotchman!" Johnson cried To thrifty J. Macpherson; "See me --I'm ready to divide With any worthy person." Sad Jamie: "That is very true -- The boast requires no backing; And all are worthy, sir, to you, Who have what you are lacking." --Anita M. Bobe |
COENOBITE, n. A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness; and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples. O Coenobite, O coenobite, Monastical gregarian, You differ from the anchorite, That solitudinarian: With vollied prayers you wound Old Nick; With dropping shots he makes him sick. --Quincy Giles |
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum - I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. |