I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and I was saying, 'Bring back the lip synch.' ...And it struck me that Ashlee Simpson is a lot like George Bush-because she wouldn't even really be in the big leagues if it wasn't for family connections, and she's in way over her head. And she doesn't know what to do. And she blamed her band. |
I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation. |
If Bill Clinton was Moses, he would have come down with the Ten Suggestions. |
If nothing else, you'll understand that there's another use for silicone, |
If you think you have it tough, read history books. |
If you were on a sinking ship and yelled, "Women and children first!" how much feminist opposition do you think you'd get? . . . Women want to fight men for equal pay, but how often do they fight a man for the check? . . . And any man who questions a woman's physical capabilities gets branded a sexist -- but who do they call when there's a spider to be killed? Convenient feminism -- crackpot theory or dangerous lunacy? |
In Lowell, Indiana, there was a four-hour hostage standoff in a bank. The bank customers were made to line up and stand still for hours . . . just like in a regular visit. |
In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a football team, but the half-time show . . . |
In no way was I intending to say, nor have I ever thought, that the men and women who defend our nation in uniform are anything but courageous and valiant, and I offer my apologies to anyone who took it wrong. |
Inside Deep Throat |
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.' |
It's all been satirized for your protection. |
It's not a mystery to me what happened with 9/11. . . . These guys are out there. We knew they were out there. It was a failure of will on our part to address the situation 10 years before. . . . There is no big mystery about it. |
Jim Bakker spells his name with 2 k's because 3 would be too obvious |
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious. |