Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade? |
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution. |
This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air. |
To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that. |
We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies. |
We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly. |
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. |
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists. |
We sit by and watch the Barbarian, we tolerate him; in the long stretches of peace we are not afraid. We are tickled by his irreverence, his comic inversion of our old certitudes and our fixed creeds refreshes us; we laugh. But as we laugh, we are watched by large and awful faces from beyond: and on these faces there is no smile. |
We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called "trickle down." That actually meant they were pissing on you. How the whole theory goes was this: "We have all the money. If we drop some, it's yours. Go for it." |
We're always on a tightrope. We're trying to put together people who don't make sense to be together, talking about issues that are sensitive and controversial. We're mixing dangerous chemicals on a nightly basis. |
Well, that's exactly the wrong attitude. That is not the attitude they had in World War II. Your attitude is that freedom means you can do whatever you want whenever you want it, and that sacrifice is somehow un-American. ... But the idea that we should also be defensive about our flaws and weaknesses and our vulnerabilities is ridiculous. |
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country |
When I do something directly political, even if [an audience] doesn't agree with it, if it's funny and true, they gotta give it up. . . . Stand-up is more personal; a monologue is standing on the corner watching the parade go by and making wisecracks about it. |
When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they’re talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values. |