That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho. |
That's right. It turns out we've all been taking relationship advice from the fat middle-aged, bald guy who drives a Ferrari! |
That’s why I don’t have a religion. I don’t want to have to say that, okay, I agree with everything a guy says. |
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs. |
The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people and don't come in clearly enough. |
The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?' |
The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right. |
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, "You know what? Let's just grab lunch." |
The House okayed the gasoline tax cut, which will increase the deficit, line the pockets of the oil companies, and hurt the environment; Dole said that if there was just some way this could interfere with people's sex lives, it would be perfect legislation. |
The IRS is auditing the NRA. I haven't had this much trouble picking sides since the Iran-Iraq war. |
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap. |
The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain. |
The true Axis of Evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people. |
The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority. |
They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed. |