Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth. |
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. |
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. |
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the alphabet do not leap up out of books and dance around with royal-blue chickens. |
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. |
Food is an important part of a balanced diet. |
Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian. |
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine. |
Having been unpopular in high school is not a just cause for book publication |
Humility is no substitute for a good personality. |
Humility is no substitute for a good personality. |
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. |
I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult. |
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota. |
I often used to say, the more parties there were for a book, the worse the book was. |