In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. |
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was |
It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was |
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? |
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. |
Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, "Will we ever make love again?" He said, "Yes.... but not with each other." |
Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, "Will we ever make love again?" He said, "Yes.... but not with each other." |
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? |
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. |
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before |
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. |
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. |
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. |
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. |
My mother buried three husbands Ð and two of them were only napping. |