If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help. |
In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first. |
In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing |
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section |
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist |
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck |
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck |
Jesus was a cross dresser |
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. |
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider! |
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. |
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. |
Life is a series of dogs |
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day |
Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws (at most an occasional visit to the cemetery) |