As long as I know my head's in the right place, my feet are on the ground, I think I'll be fine. |
Back then it was a very realistic thing for me. My own thing was, you know, wake up at 5 in the afternoon, it's dark out, hang out, maybe take a shower, then start drinking, start smoking pot, go out with friends, get wasted. |
But you know, my mom having to go to the hospital seven times... like passed out because of pain... I wouldn't come home and sit with my family and be with my dad - I'd call someone up and... I'd go and get obliterated drunk and I'd go, like, on two-week benders. |
Dad was just an emotional wreck. He was drinking a lot of the time, he was smoking a lot of pot. And because he takes certain medications, the drinking was making him... you know, he wasn't even present, really. |
For a while I was suicidal and I tried to kill myself. I think I should have died about four times. |
I don't want to come off like the jealous brother who wasn't getting the attention, but it was like no one was really into me anyway. I wasn't really a priority. |
I had my group of friends, you know, like my real group of friends, and then I had, like, party friends. |
I have a tendency to really stuff things. I don't really express, you know? Like, express certain feelings and stuff. |
I took a bottle of pills. I'd been in Europe and I had a lot of absinthe and I was just drinking and drinking, trying to, you know, just shut my body down. |
I want to make the book as real as possible, but I can hardly remember a thing. |
I was hanging out with no one under 21. I thought that if I really wanted to fit in I had to... show them that I was in a way just as adult as they were, 'cause I could hold my own just as well as they could, if not better. |
I was interning at a record label - OK, cool. I'm gonna do what my mom did, you know, work her way up in the music industry, the business side of things. I was comfortable with that. That was what I wanted to do. And then just suddenly I am thrown from that. It was super insane. |
I went to a friend's house and we just started using. I took myself out of the picture for a second, and I looked around at every single person in the room - at who they were, how old they were and what they had going on in their lives. A lot of them were near to 30, unemployed, living off their parents... they were heroin addicts. They were just guys on The World's Biggest Couch Tour. |
I'd read things, like people criticizing me. But no one likes to read stuff about that, and probably the main thing that was getting to me was me mum's illness. |
I'm real clear, you know? There's no fogginess. |