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Humor


 Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
  Dave Barry

 Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman
  Oscar Wilde

 Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bog-gglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'
`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.'
`Oh dear,' says God, `I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanished in a puff of logic.
`Oh, that was easy,' says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets
himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
  Douglas Adams

 Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.

 One never needs their humor as much a when they argue with a fool.

 Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspiren? I think I've got a cold."
  Denis Leary

 Press the any key ... hmmm where's the any key?
  Dan Castellaneta

 Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"
  Eddie Izzard

 Quick note here: if this crush-slash-swooning stuff is hard for you to stomach, if you’ve never had a similar experience, then you should come to grips with the fact that you’ve got a TV dinner for a heart and might want to consider climbing inside a microwave and turning it on high for at least an hour, which if you do consider only goes to show what kind of idiot you truly are because microwaves are way too small for anyone, let alone you, to climb into.

 Seriousness is the last refuge of the shallow.
  Oscar Wilde

 So I'm over there in England, you know, trying to get news about the riots... and all these Brit people are trying to sympathize with me... 'Oh Bill, crime is horrible. Bill, if it's any consolation crime is horrible here, too.' ...Shutup. This is Hobbitown and I am Bilbo Hicks, Okay? This is a land of fairies and elves. You do not have crime like we have crime, but I appreciate you trying to be, you know, Diplomatic. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious, you don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England, 'Yesterday, some Hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shafsbry.' ...Wooooo. 'The hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! ...What if they become roughians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shafsbry tonight. (to the tune of "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who) No one knows what it's like... to be a dustbin... in Shafsbry... with hooligans...' What the HELL are you talkin' about? Hooligans? Roughians? Speak English! It's Crypt, Blood. I mean, I'm sure it's a serious thing, Hooligans, but it just sounds stupid, doesn't it? I picture a bunch of pale guys with pennyloafers and no socks. (to a tune) 'We're the hooligans!' (Sound of knocking dustbin over) 'Come here, you fuckers, come here.' 'Nope! Got-to catch us! If you corner me I might become a scalliwag!' ...It doesn't sound scary at all, does it? They have proper crime there. I'd love to put the hooligans up against the Bloods in LA... that would be a short gang battle. (To a tune, again) 'We're the hooligans!' (sound of dustbin knocking over)-- (boom boom boom *gunshots*). '...huh? Hoola-somethin', I didn't catch it all. Mothafucka danced up to me and patted me on the head. Pale mothafucka, look at that thing.' It wouldn't be a long gang battle. I'm bettin' on the Bloods.
  Bill Hicks

 The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.

 The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...


...and you finish off as an orgasm.
  George Carlin

 The only way I can make a Jim Carrey face is through Novocain at the dentist’s office.
  Sasha Azevedo

 The secret to humor is surprise.


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This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.


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På banken tar de dina pengar. Och din tid. Här tar vi bara din tid.

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This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.


Här har vi samlat citat sedan 1990!

Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!




På banken tar de dina pengar. Och din tid. Här tar vi bara din tid.

www.livet.se/proverb