52 ordspråk av Emo Philips

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips föddes den 7 Februar 1956 - US comic
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

Luck

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Jag var min grannes låtsaskompis.

Friendship

I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

I min skola gjorde de kroppsundersökning efter pistoler och knivar på vägen in, och om du inte hade några gav de dig några.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'.

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

Funny

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