196 ordspråk av Jack Handy

Jack Handy

Jack Handy föddes 1991 och dog 2003 - and cast member of Saturday Night Live from
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We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs on Mars?" When no one laughed, I was real embarrassed. I don't think people should make you feel that way.

When we were growing up, old man jenkins would never fail to come out every morning to nail tadpoles to a wheel, spin it around and around, like a wheel of fortune, and then say, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is the winner!" We all thought he was crazy, but then, we had some growing up to do.

When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a chirping trout, or listen to the sad howl of the chirp rat, I think: Oh boy! I'm going insane again.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books

Reading

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.

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Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!

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