Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass! |
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. |
For as one star another far exceeds, So souls in heaven are placed by their deeds. |
Get a pet, an animal you will love and one that will love you in return. In your home, there should be something besides the rugs to take care of. Get a pet that will stain those rugs and you'll have a happier home. |
God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy. |
He came at me but he got the wrong chicken, |
He is so short, he may be here today. Look under the tables. |
He who limps is still walking. |
How could she not be happy? She was tall, thin, gorgeous and rich, rich, rich, with a husband who didn't want to sleep with her, two normal children and she had a crown. |
I am going into alligator alley. |
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. |
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. |
I don't know why they're around. |
I felt comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material. |
I get what he meant. He thought about shooting the guy, and that's good enough for me. |