It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom. |
It's very important, and if it's the child, no matter how prepubescent or ugly it is, you always say, 'Don't you look great?' You speak to the child even if the face is a pizza. |
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. |
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. |
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. |
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy. |
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do. |
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do. |
Never floss with a stranger. |
No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined. |
Nobody got to know him, |
Of course we are going to have to mention Brad and Angelina and ... Tom Cruise and the ever-loving Katie and that horrible Jessica Simpson or whatever her name is. |
Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true. |
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top. |
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. |