I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food. |
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. |
If I had to go out there and surf, that would be a problem. But you know, it's just comedy. |
If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. |
If you try to hit a grand slam, you're going to strike out. |
If you want to compare your show to a comedy show, you're more than welcome to ... You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. |
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news. |
In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole. |
Insomnia is my greatest inspiration. |
It doesn't mean you're going to have a good pro career, or even do well in the bowl game. But to get to that point means something. Now you're in the club. |
Just every moment with Dick Cheney has been my favorite. Here's what I wonder about Dick Cheney, and the reason that maybe they keep him only in loyalty oath audiences, is if he becomes angry, I do believe he turns into the Hulk. And so, they try and keep people from questioning him, because he'll just -- the shirt rips, and suddenly he has hair. So he's been my favorite, because he just goes out there to a room full of supporters and says, 'You know we're all going to die, right?' You're going to die unless I'm in charge.' |
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is. |
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done. |
Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. |
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had. |