My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. |
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. |
My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too! |
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. |
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. |
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. |
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. |
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. |
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. |
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. |
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. |
One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control |
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. |
They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another. |
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. |