I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. |
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. |
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. |
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. |
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. |
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. |
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. |
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. |
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. |
I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with |
I was so poor growing up - if I wasn't a boy - I'd have had nothing to play with |
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. |
I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up |
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. |
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. |