122 ordspråk av Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
 My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. Come on, four billion! Fuck. Seven. Not even close. I need more dice. |
| My roommate said, 'I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?' It's like some weird-a** quiz, where he reveals the answer first. |
| My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first. |
| My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set. |
| On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at... |
| Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck. |
| One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' 'You son of bit**, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera. What's it look like?' |
| Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But people don't realize I'm actually crying - they think I'm just reacting. |
| People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky. |
| Pickles are cucumbers that sold out. |
| Say, I was on The Craig Kilbourne Show and the next day I flew to Minneapolis. I was at the airport and a guy came up. He said, 'Dude, I saw you on TV last night.' But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he just confirmed that I was on television. So I turned my head away from him for about a minute, then I turned it back. I said, 'Dude, I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good.' |
| So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny. |
| Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets. |
| Sometimes I make some money doin' comedy. I made $3000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash, so I had $3000 in my front pocket. That was a bad situation, because then I start to buy ridulous sh**. Like, I bought a snake-bite emergency repair kit. Then I said to my friends, 'Don't even worry about snakes anymore.' Then my friend stepped on a worm, I said, 'Lay down.' Snake bite emergency repair kit... is a body bag. |
| Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret. |
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varav 1407627 på engelska
Sprichwort (1469541 st) Suche
Kategorien (2627 st) Suche
Autoren (167535 st) Suche
Bilder (4592 st)
Geboren (10495 st)
Gestorben (3318 st)
Daten (9517 st)
Länder (5315 st)
Idiom (4438 st)
Längde
Toplists (6 st)
Diese Website konzentriert sich auf Sprichwörter der schwedischen Sprache. Einige Teile einschließlich der Links sind nicht ins Deutsche übersetzt worden. Diese Links sind hauptsächlich FAQ, verschiedene Informationen und Webseiten, die der Erweiterung der Sammlung dienen.
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 |
Diese Website konzentriert sich auf Sprichwörter der schwedischen Sprache. Einige Teile einschließlich der Links sind nicht ins Deutsche übersetzt worden. Diese Links sind hauptsächlich FAQ, verschiedene Informationen und Webseiten, die der Erweiterung der Sammlung dienen.
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