I made some calls, pulled a few strings, |
I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wiretapping illegal?! |
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good?Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder. |
I thought he looked quite good in his flight suit landing on the aircraft carrier. He looked very natural, like he wore it everyday. It was like seeing Dick Cheney in a hospital gown. It looked like the most normal thing in the world. |
I was a little kid and I was fascinated by the roast beef going around the spit. So I took out my little plastic comb and stuck it in the meat. At one point the comb caught on the string used to tie the roast beef. So I went, 'Oh, oh,' and I didn't want to break the motor. So I said, 'OK,' and I walked away. |
I was never asked for money, |
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" |
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology |
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates |
If Roast Beef Could Fly, |
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. |
In 2009, I'll be 59 years old and will have had this dream job for 17 years, ... I felt that the timing was right to plan for my successor and there is no one more qualified than Conan. |
In 2009, I'll be 59 years old and will have had this dream job for 17 years. I felt that the timing was right to plan for my successor and there is no one more qualified than Conan. |
In a speech yesterday John Kerry said that before November he may go to Iraq. Is that a good idea for him to go to Iraq? You thought Bush didn't have a reason to bomb Iraq before. |
In his big victory speech last night, Senator Kerry said that he wanted to defeat George Bush and the 'economy of privilege.' Then he hugged his wife, Teresa, heir to the multi-million dollar Heinz food fortune. |