The harder the act, the less it seems to be appreciated. That's what every artist, be he juggler, musician, or painter, finds out. And that is why so many mediocrities flourish. |
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. |
The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies. |
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split. |
The wise and intelligent are coming belatedly to realize that alcohol, and not the dog, is man's best friend. Rover is taking a beating -- and he should. |
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. |
There are only two real ways to get ahead today -- sell liquor or drink it. |
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. |
There's not a man in America who at one time or another hasn't had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass. |
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole',' he explained. |
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole',' he explained. |
We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking . . . that this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whiskey. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything. . . . |
Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth . . . she used to have to sleep with her head in a safe. |
What is the presidency but a glorified business -- or, at least, a fine racket. |
What this country needs is money! |