What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? |
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. |
When humor goes, there goes civilization. |
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me. |
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." |
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. |
When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others |
When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. |
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. |
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. |
You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home. |
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates. |
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. |